It follows me around wherever I go; like an annoying mosquito that you can hear and feel but can never find. Disappearing until you forget it exists then coming back to remind you its still there. Its a drone-like ‘hum’ that sits inside you, never-ending, rising and falling at different volumes. It’s intensity brought on by familiar sounds, smells, objects or conversations. It waits for those moments and then swells inside you, reminding you that it’s still there. You can’t forget, nor do you want to. Sometimes I just allow myself to sink into the depths of it. To relive the pain, the anger, the confusion. It’s a kind of twisted therapy but it works for me. It never goes away, though some days are better than others. When you love someone so intensely and then they’re gone, there are no time limits or stages or calculated ways of dealing with it. It just becomes you and you become it and every thing you do from that moment forward is part of a new you, a different you. You can’t forget, nor do you want to.

-Caitlin Harnett