For a while there I had a hard time fully recognizing what it meant to my wife when she would talk about her dad, who had passed only months before I met her. For me the difficulty was understanding that being able to talk about, and celebrate her dads memory, actually gave so much to my wife in terms of happiness and joy, as well as a sense of resolution.

I was never able to fully engage and listen because it was an area that, for me, only brought up unsettled emotions and the uncertainty of my own place in the world. Selfish I know, and a point of tension in our relationship that I’m glad we were able to communicate through and deal with.

I learned that celebrating the memory of her dad also helped relieve some of that mysterious guilt she had when she felt like she might be forgetting him.

There’s a lot to be said for the healing power in actively remembering the great, and unique things we enjoyed about our loved ones who’ve passed

-Timothy Hay